oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
