Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
