I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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