last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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