you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
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Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
