I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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