it was like his penis was on wheels.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
