eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
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I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
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If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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