Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
