i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
