On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
