I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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