so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
