Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
