I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
What a dumb baby whore.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
