I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
