I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
