My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
pop tarts are not kleenex
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
