I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
