I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
