would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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