Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
