Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
