Small penises have feelings too.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
