In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
