every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
