My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
