Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
