Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
