piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
