Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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