it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You ruined the universe
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
