He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
