pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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