I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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