It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
