Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
