he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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