just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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