I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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