someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He did a backflip because drugs
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
