Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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