i just had sex bonerless
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
