i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
