is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we're making bets on your personal life
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
