Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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