Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
