Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
