He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Randomize