someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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