My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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