It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
