she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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