And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We just shotgunned beers for America
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
