I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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