Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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