last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Who wears a wallet chain?!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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