Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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