The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
