dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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