so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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