i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Mom said you looked used
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
