3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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