he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
