can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
