Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
