You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
