don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
