Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
