I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
