I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
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He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize