It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
