I heard we made out
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
