You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
